My husband and I had struggled to fall pregnant for a while, in August 2015 we found out we were expecting our first child. It was beyond exciting.
We went for our first scan, the sonographer had found the heartbeat – everything was perfect for a second and then we were told she found another heartbeat. Our eyes welled up, we were over the moon to find out this news. She went on to tell us that our babies were monochorionic, which meant they would be identical. Nothing could burst this bubble of happiness for us both.
Everything was completely fine throughout the pregnancy. No cravings, no sickness, I was on top of the world. We announced we were having baby girls to all our friends and family and that they were due in April 2016.
“This is the day our life changed; we went for our scan thinking this would be possibly the day they might induce me for our girls to arrive earth side.”
There was never any concern for TTTS throughout the pregnancy and I was never having any problems, our girls had scanned perfectly.
It wasn’t until the 3rd March 2016 (34 weeks gestation) where I started to feel a bit restless, I took the day off work to relax. Thinking this could be it, our girls might be on their way sometime soon. My husband was away at the time and when he returned the next day, we had a family gathering to have some dinner and cake. His family had gone to his brothers for some after dinner drinks, where I told my husband I couldn’t because my back was killing me and I’d have to lay down. He stayed with me and gave me a rub while I cried in pain. After that night, everything felt fine which was great as we celebrated the baby shower on the 5th March, it was a magical day.
The 8th March 2016, I came home from work and felt like something wasn’t right. I was feeling little to no movement from our girls. I tried absolutely everything, having a bath, having sugary foods, playing music and nothing would help me get them moving. We had our own doppler, the heart rates were always the same (Twin A – 136BPM, Twin B – 132BPM), but this day they were different and all I was getting was above 150BPM. I waited for my husband to come home from work and I cried in his arms to tell him I felt like something was off. We were going for a scan the following day so we knew we’d get some answers then.
“Her heart stopped beating right there in my belly while we were watching on the screen and we had no control over it.”
This is the day our life changed; we went for our scan thinking this would be possibly the day they might induce me for our girls to arrive earth side. After a few scans, the sonographer had to leave the room to go and get someone else. We knew this wasn’t good. They told us that Twin A had no heartbeat and we would need to go to the maternity ward to deliver Twin B.
Once we arrived at the maternity ward, the doctor came and explained to us what had happened. Our girls had developed TTTS, as a result, Twin A wasn’t getting enough blood flow from the placenta and unfortunately, she had passed away. Twin B would need to be delivered as soon as possible as she was getting too much blood flow and it could result in death as well. They monitored her heartbeat closely whilst organising transport for us to deliver her, however, her heartbeat became weaker and weaker. Her heart stopped beating right there in my belly while we were watching on the screen and we had no control over it.
We drove home to come back in a few days and deliver our girls. It was the worse few days of our lives, getting home from the hospital and unpacking the bags of baby clothes to pack a bag for just yourself. There was no heartache like it.
We went to the hospital to be induced on the 12th March 2016. I thought we couldn’t get any more heartache but to experience the magic of child birth, go through that pain and see those babies not breathing when they are delivered would have to be the worse thing anyone would ever experience.
We got to cuddle our girls and take special photos as memories. Our beautiful families came to see them and then that was it. We would never see them again. We will never stop thinking of what could have been and the memories that we should be making.
We have since had a beautiful boy who was born in 2017 and I often wonder if our girls would have looked just like him. Throughout the pregnancy with him we ensured we were monitored closely. We were always getting scanned and going for appointments. And I will do it again if I have another child, I would never want to go through that again.
There was never any indication of TTTS for us and I’d love to raise awareness for those who might not know much about it (just like my husband and I). Research it, make sure your doctors are aware of it and look out for it. Everything can change in the click of your fingers.
Story by Gabrielle Moore
